How One Small Change was the Start of Transforming My Life
My story about the approaches that supported me to make sustainable change
Welcome! I’m Rachael Gaibel, a career, life + wellbeing coach, consultant and content strategist/writer. Find Possibility is a monthly newsletter focused on: finding possibilities to create change that matters to you, personal growth, wellbeing, creative expression, and more. If it resonates, please share with others.
Ten years ago, I made one small change that would ultimately lead to a path of transforming my life and work in ways I hadn’t known were possible.
If someone had told me that making a 30-day commitment to focus on my wellbeing would be a turning point for my life, I would not have believed it.
Because at the time, I had hit a low point. I was having a challenging time coping with my recent unexplained infertility diagnosis and career burnout. Internally, I constantly felt frustrated, stressed out and overwhelmed. And that was the basis for how I interacted with others. I had just received challenging performance feedback with examples of how I was showing up ineffectively.
I share more about this time in my life in my article How I Found the Good within the Difficult. For those newer to my posts, it’s the story of when I first noticed I could make changes by focusing on what was in my control to cope and show up better: specifically, my own personal growth and wellbeing.
In this post, I’ll share how the approaches I took supported me in making sustainable change.
This post continues to build on having slow growth approach. One of the essential nutrients is to make one meaningful change at a time. Slow growth means to focus on creating small changes consistently over time to make progress on your dreams and goals.
30-Day Challenges
A 30-day challenge means to commit doing one new change consistently for 30-days. Something you have agency over and can experiment with.
Since the average length to form a new habit is about two months, having dedicated focus for 30-days can give an encouraging start.
Back to my 30-day commitment: I wanted to intentionally take in the good by experiencing more positivity. Specifically, I spent 15 minutes per day on the combination of lovingkindness and gratitude practices.
I chose these practices as I had felt like my brain was caught up in what Rick Hanson refers to as the red zone much of the day, the reactive mode of the brain. The red zone characterized by fear, frustration and heartache. I wanted to strengthen the green zone, the responsive mode and home base of the brain. The green zone is characterized by peace, contentment and love.
Immediately, I fully experienced greater positivity during the practices. I began taking in the good in small ways throughout my day. After a month, I did see noticeable improvements internally and externally.
For many months to follow, I integrated the previous month’s challenge if I wanted to continue it and added a new 30-day challenge.
What I Learned
I had so many amazing conditions for growth that contributed to me continuing to make progress. These ideas can apply to others seeking to make changes:
I already had awareness of resources and guidance as a starting point
I was incredibly motivated to make improvements to my wellbeing and how I showed up
Making one small change at a time was completely doable; as I later learned, science confirms this is actually how we change
I focused on making changes within my control
I saw noticeable progress after 30 days, which helped sustain me to keep going
I had support from my workplace and my spouse
I got positive reinforcement from others and appreciated my own effort
I was excited to share what I was learning about wellbeing with friends and colleagues
I learned how to be kind and compassionate to myself
I built up multiple practices over time to support my wellbeing
I continued focusing on doing the practices consistently even when it felt clunky or I wasn’t seeing improvements as quickly as I hoped
A few months after starting to focus on my wellbeing, I would attend a program that provided greater tools and insights to nurture my wellbeing in more lasting ways
Overall, I kept learning and following the next step, and I continued experiencing personal growth. So, I kept going.
Towards the end of the How I Found the Good Within the Difficult article, I wrote:
“Within a year period, I grew more than I had in the previous five years combined. This experience of profound growth gave me something positive and exciting to focus on. Something I did have agency over, during an incredibly challenging time in my life.”
Starting with one small change and building upon it to add the next small change is what led me to transform my life.
The profound growth I experienced within the year is the first way my life changed, without changing my circumstances. The longer-term view is one reason I chose to become a certified positive psychology coach was based on the impact positive psychology and wellbeing had on my life a decade ago.
And, here’s the other side: sometimes change doesn’t flow as easefully. This isn’t a failing.
It is true some changes are harder or more complicated to make and sustain based on a variety of factors. Perhaps it’s due to feeling stuck, overwhelmed or held back. Or not knowing how/where to start. Or navigating significant challenges or obstacles. Or not feeling like enough progress is being made. Or dealing with external factors outside of your control.
During those situations in my own life, others support has been instrumental for me to create change that matters to me such as: a coach, program and/or peer group.
Start with One Small Change at a Time
The Happiness Set Point theory states that about 50% of our happiness is based on our genetics and personality, 10% on our circumstances, and 40% on our choices. This means we have agency over about 40% of our happiness. Our choices and intentional actions impact our ability to have greater wellbeing and fulfillment.
And, it starts with creating one small change at a time. This is how we start to make progress on all of what matters to us. No matter how tiny or huge the changes feel. This is how we start to transform our lives.
The bigger picture is pursuing our dreams and goals asks us to change in small and significant ways. Whether it’s changing our habits and routines, our ways of being, our structures, our work and lives or something else. Making changes asks us to let go of what no longer serves us to open to the possibilities of creating what’s next.
Reflection: What’s one small change you want to experiment with this next month?
If you want support to create changes that matter in your life and work, contact me for a free exploratory coaching call to learn more about how coaching could help.