How I Started Living a Life True to Myself
Welcome! I’m Rachael Gaibel, a career, life + wellbeing coach, consultant and content writer. Find Possibility is a monthly newsletter focused on: finding possibilities to create meaningful change, personal growth, wellbeing, creative expression, and more. If it resonates, please share with others.
The top regret of the dying is: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me,” according to the book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware.
Ware expands that this regret is about looking back and seeing how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. That most people had honored less than half of their dreams.
It pierced me when I read they had honored less than half of their dreams. Less than half. I could relate too well.
For years, I didn’t listen closely to my dreams. I couldn’t hear their whispers. It was not until so much of my life felt out of alignment that I wondered what had happened. I wondered how I had become so far removed from my dreams.
I’ve shared before that I left my corporate career after becoming a mother without a career plan. What I haven’t articulated is that I was guided by a dream to create a life more on my terms.
This dream began in the summer of 2015. Sitting in the “Search Inside Yourself” mindfulness and emotional intelligence two-day program, the facilitators provided this journaling prompt: “If everything in my life meets or exceeds my most optimistic expectations, what will my life be like in five years?”
Though it wasn’t something I had reflected upon before, words quickly flowed. I could sense into a life where I stopped being in continuous burnout cycles and renewed. A life where my career was one part of my life but no longer felt all consuming. A life where I lived in greater harmony, with more focus on my wellbeing. A life that on the whole, felt fulfilling and meaningful. And, a life that included my deepest longing of becoming a mother.
It may sound like a simple life. But, to me, it felt unattainable. It was so far from my life at that moment.
Because, at the time: though I loved many aspects of my career, I kept burning out. Working full-time plus was the only option for mid-level management at my organization. I had been diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”. And, I didn’t know how to live in greater harmony.
The act of writing down what I deeply wanted set in motion a slow unfolding towards creating a life I hadn’t dared dream before.
One step at a time, I took the action I could towards this dream within the constraints of my career. It was exactly the start I needed. Focusing on supporting my wellbeing first without altering anything externally changed my life. I experienced profound growth. It showed me I could experience greater inner goodness, even while navigating challenging circumstances of burnout and infertility.
But, it was only enough for so long. During that time, I was terrified to leave without knowing what I would do next. I felt stuck. I had excuses. A consultant asked me: “What’s holding you back?” I gave a rational justification. It was perfectly logical, though limiting. It held power over me.
Until it didn’t.
Until everything changed when my daughter was born.
Until I could no longer pretend I was okay; burnout had taken a toll.
Until I had an inner knowing that it was time to leave.
Until I understood that career was my past and would not bring me closer to the future life I envisioned.
Until the unknown captivated me.
I chose to go in the direction of this dream, this vision. Though so much felt vague. So much was missing from the picture. Including, my future career. But still, I came to believe in the potential of it.
Sometimes, there isn’t clear guidance on what’s next, as much as we desperately want it. What comes up is to leave. With glimpses of what could be.
Sometimes, we must stop going the wrong way. Even when the right way is still forming.
Pausing was my next step. I needed a break from a career.
I trusted in this vision pulling me into a future life I couldn’t fully see.
What I didn’t realize then is this is how visions often arrive. As Tara Mohr, women’s leadership coach, facilitator and best-selling author, shares: “Visions for what is next – your next creation, your next job, your next way of moving through the world – don’t arrive fully formed or with a how-to plan. They come in fragments, whiffs, energies in the body.”
Our work in this time is to articulate what we can see, “to accelerate it’s coming into being and prepare the ground for the next layer of clarity to emerge.”
For me, it meant intentionally listening to whispers of the dream itself I couldn’t hear before. To expand upon the glimpses of what could be. To find possibility. To design what a meaningful and fulfilling life looked like for me.
When I started my part-time consulting business, I thought being guided by my vision, values and goals would be enough. However, I began to come up against inner and outer obstacles I struggled with on my own. Including, my business falling apart at the start of the pandemic.
In seeking support, I was surprised to find a lot of entrepreneur advice didn’t feel like it applied to me. It was designed for those going all in, working full-time plus, on their business. That wasn’t what I was looking for. What I wanted was guidance to create something that felt true to me. Which, it turns out, would not come from external advice.
Everything changed when I connected with life coaches and took Tara Mohr’s women’s leadership program, Playing Big. I learned how to address my own inner blocks towards bringing my vision to life.
I uncovered the next layer of what I deeply wanted to contribute and create. Including, unearthing what makes my heart sing: rediscovering my creativity, especially writing. Which surprisingly impacted my work and life simultaneously—by adding content strategy and writing as business services and returning to write creatively. And, a new dream emerged: my desire to serve others to help them uncover possibilities for what’s next through becoming a career, life and wellbeing coach.
Ultimately, I discovered it is possible to build the life, including the career, I had longed for.
I now understand I was not meant to try to do this all on my own. The coaches, champions and personal development programs nurtured me to grow.
How to live a life true to yourself:
Living a life that’s true to you is about being true to yourself. It’s about recognizing that your visions and dreams matter. That they are worthy of your attention, whether bold or small.
It’s not simply about avoiding the top regret of the dying. It’s about what’s possible on the other side. When you turn towards your dreams, you’ll live a life with greater meaning and fulfillment. You’ll live more fully.
To start, explore what it means to be true to yourself. This can take time, especially if you haven’t connected with your dreams for a while. Find the space to sit quietly and check-in with yourself daily for at least a week.
Ask yourself: What are my dreams for my life right now? What do I deeply want? See what words, feelings or images come up for you. Keep asking yourself and bringing those aspects into the light.
Get really curious about your dreams. Get to know what emerges. Don’t fight against them. Ask your dreams more about themselves. Do something to express them.
Honoring your dreams doesn’t necessarily mean quitting your career and changing your whole life like I ultimately did. Over time it might, but usually not at first. It starts with being curious about what could be. It starts with giving them attention. It starts with doing something small.
In my story, it was choosing to focus on my personal growth and wellbeing that first led to experiencing more meaning. While my life remained the same externally.
So, start where you are. Do something. It will make a difference.
Ask yourself: What does honoring my dreams mean to me? How could I honor my dreams today?
The right champions, coaches or programs can be key to help nurture your dreams and visions.
But, remember they are your dreams. It is up to you to do your part to bring them into being.
If you want to uncover possibilities to create meaningful change, contact me to learn more about how coaching could help.
Resonates!
I loved reading this! Here’s to your new life!